Rebeca Melo

nada de festas ...estou tranquila, querendo ficar só...passagem de ano em sampa, provavelmente na paulista, vamos ver... voltando pra viçosa, minha vida vai virar correria de novo...correria do rio pro mar, numa pressa infinita de se completar, de ser, de amar...tava fazendo minha retrospectiva particular e percebi o quanto estou atemorizada comigo novamente, como nas últimas férias...parece que eu pressentia as coisas...mas dessa vez tenho que estar de olhos bem abertos, mas não com os outros, pior, comigo mesma... minha música predileta é Hot n cold,Kate Perry, ouçam, ótima, temme levantado o astral um pouco...outra boa é Miss independent, do Neyo. ta´, to curtindo o que o rádio divulga, mas são músicas ótimas, pra espairecer, super dançantes... quero deixar o coração o mais livre possível...só com Deus dentro e minha familia... bye.

duas pessoas riram quando eu disse que ia parar de beber...as pessoas me desacreditam...eu to tão drasticamente mudadda que ninguém mais me acredita...deixa estar...mas tenho medo de realmente não conseguir voltar a ser o quer quero, o que devo ser... já tenho tanta coisa pra fazer neste novo ano que nem começou que já to cansada... e mais cansada ainda de ser largada, de ser esquecida... espero recuperar o que eu tinha... bye

ontem fiquei perdida em círculos me sentindo numa bagunça... agora to triste, encostada num canto sem ajuda, me sentindo reminescente pois quando vc não está todas as cores se perdem quando vc não está nenhum dia é novo e as cores parecem se perder.. sei que todos todos temos nossas culpas e ficamos... ficamos sem cor como quando vc não está e nada pra mim tem cor... (baseado na música "colors" de Amos Lee)

ai, ai, last Friday was THE day! I met N and we stayied! it was pretty good, but I'm worried because i don't know if it's gonna happen again...the sopa-opera starts again, oh God... I love him, I love him, I love him, there's no way, I can't deny... LOVE YOU, MY DEAR. LOVE ME TOO... bye

me poste e me goste me download e me visualize numa nova janela me faça em html, do seu jeito me publique, salve antes de fechar e abra a qualquer hora que quiser digite, me emeie, me ouça nada houve, vc nada ouve mas me faça me tenha, me abraça e satisfaça, me goste, vá... salve agora essa publicação, visualize e encerre o programa

não tenho nenhum poema mas gostaria de postar não tenho nenhum poema mas gostaria de falar a chuva que cai me cala e molha e a voz que sai é bolha hoje é aqui, sem alguém você não existe... o que existe é o então, o agora presente grego tão presente que me desfolha e molha vazio inerente, meu corpo quente, desejoso... não tenho nada de bom a dizer mas gostaria assim mesmo de escrever se eu fosse poeta, saberia lidar com as palavras eu saberia e saberia lidar tão bem que usá-las-ia para te fazer, te criar te ter, te merecer, o que é simplemente amar.

oi... Inglês ou portugues? hum...what about both? rsrsrs quem não entender, ...shame on you! today I'm gonna go out with...N...I need to see him...I invited him to watch the choral UFV singing with "my" choral on Sunday. I'll meet him today to talk about it. U didn't call me anymore...I sent him an e-mail but till now, he didn't answered. Mario appeared again in my life, we are talking again by msn...today I had to huury up and I went away without saying goodbye...sorry, M... I also talked to R by msn... I told him that I dreamed of him again...we had a serious conversation, not that serious, but...about feelings and things like that. so, thanks God this term is finishing...I can't take it anymore my final paper on let 415 and 315 will be a comparison between blake and whitman...very interesting. I'll use the poems "Infant Joy" by Blake and "There was a child went forth every day" by Whitman. bye.

hi ih, valeu pessoas pelos comentários...restaurante? quem sabe...rsrsrs não sei se devia divulgar mais esse blog, mas vou mantê-lo enquanto der... enquanto houver eu e meus conflitos, minhas loucuras e perturbaçoes, minhas doideiras e blá-blá-blá ... e´pero que...ah na verdade não espero que me compreendam nem nada... o que espero é barco a vela furada... só pra rimar... pq dia de fúria é pra vociferar e fazer o contrário, sem matar ninguém, só sendo eu... amando cada vez mais as coisas, as pessoas, a vida...e nem recebendo o tanto de amor de volta, mas tudo bem, deixa pra lá, só faço o que sei que devo... bjs, bye

hi what a weekend! I passed all Saturday with him (U) and it was perfect! But then he said he would call me on Sunday, and he didn't. He would travel today and I don't know what to do, I'll just wait. I sent him an e-mail today. I tried to send a "torpedo" by web, but it didn't work. I'm nervous! again, I'm playing the role of a teenager, nervous, anxious to see my almost-boyfriend. That's the life, my life! I like him, but I'm still thinking about M and C and...Nill is on my heart forever, we have a new kind of relation... yesterday I went to a presentation of the group extase of dance, it was good. I invited U to go with me, but he didn't appear, you know...then, R went with me, today is her birthday. His brother, R, is walking around me again, God... I'm anxious to talk to U, my new love! bye.

hi last Thursday I did the most stupid thing I've ever done, but I won't put details here, it's not apropriate... I just want to say that I'll stop going out for whikle, til I learn to behave well. I'm listening to neon Neon, a song named "Raquel" my sister's name, it's pretty good, I recommend. bye.

meu mundo está assim, injusto. Aliás, não é o meu mundo, é o de lá de fora. droga, tudo tão injusto, tão frio, quem se importa com o que sinto?...amigos falam, eu ouço, mas raramente me ouvem, tudo tão injusto...e a universidade só me sugando, me sinto tão improdutiva, não tenho trabalhos suficientes para apresentar aqui, acolá...não quero isso, só quero me graduar, não achei que fosse tão complicado. Não quero a vida acadêmica, mas me sinto quase que obrigada a fazer mestrado...também, o meio acadêmico foi o jeito mais "fácil" que achei pra melhorar essa droga de vida. só quero viver, não quero prêmios, quero meus livros publicados, não quero destaque, nem ser melhor que ninguém porque não sou. Igualdade, não oportunidade. Não aceito detenção de poder tal que me seja "permitido" pedir oportunidade, não, quero igualdade, King, oh King, you were right, so right, your words so beautiful and clear and so smart... eu sou pobre, quase negra, a pobreza que clamo aos quatr...

hmm my life IS REALLY brilliant! such jokes it plays me! I went to a party on Friday 3rd, I met a guy and this time I thought the things would be different, but he leave me too. oh God, I can't take it anymore! I've got a bad cold, Jesus, it put me down. Today I think I'm better. Not at all, but a bit better. I didn't went to the Choral. I met M around RU, such a boring guy! "do you want me to make you a tea?" oh, please, come on! when he's gonna wake up? yesterday was such a day! I went to L's house, we did Gracia's test, after I passed on the church and I was too bad, almost dying...if I don't die today, I won't do never. single, single, forever single and single again, that's my fate! come on , baby, light my fire! but who? ANYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just don't care! Bye.

No, it is not love, but I am happy. I met him at Pyjamas' party, twenty-year-boy. He lives in the lodgement too, PÓS. We stayed Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Now, I'll just see him on next Saturday because he has a lot 2 tests this week and he didn't study the weekend - guess why... - it was pretty good the way we are...I like him. On Sunday, I went with him to the voting, he voted, I justified. what an Odissey this presentation on the Symposium! Now, we are supposed to present - Coral Voix-là - tomorrow at the end this event. Today was the first day and some lectures were good, interesting, others not so...but, anyway, it was worth, always worth to practice English, even just listening. Bye.

I invited Nill to come and drink with me on Friday. he accepted!it will be great! I'm calm about relations. thanks a God! God is pretty good to me. amén.

I think I am completely lost. yesterday I staied, that is, I slept with R and it was pretty good. I want to be his lover, I'll tell it to him. I don't have way anymore. bye.

I am on vacations, for God's sake! it seems like my family won't come, I'll live on my on this month (God bless me). on last Friday, I went to Lion and I staied with a blond boy, 19, my little angel as I called him, he is so cute. he is known as "Araxá" because he is from Araxá. he travaled last saturday to there, after we passed the night together. I think I won't see him again, but maybe, I would like to. Nill saw us together... I got 88 in North American literature! thanks God! just missing some notes in English literature. I'll do a "lack of sex" because I have to take shame on my face, if I can say that. bye.

I've just finished a test of English Literature, it was hard doing, but I think I was well (hope so!) my grade in English has been down this term. need to help someone, bye.

I'm feeling bad. ok, it's normal, my mood is up and down but it didn't used to be so frequently. I was going to the library and I met R there. I was with such a bad face that he stopped making jokes and talked seriously, not that much. he asked for help in redação, I thought strange, but it's ok. I'll make him sure that I'm not a bitch with who he can use such a excuse to crew! the men are boring me, I'm getting so angry that I'm able to kill one of them!!!!!!!!!! I'd like to travel by myself to another place, away, with no one known. oh, my God, I'm so coward and money in my pocket is all I want!!! Nill entered in msn yesterday, I think I 've ever told it, no? I need to eat chocolate. it's what I'm going to do. Julian wernt away, I don't know if I'll have Ana's class today, but I think so. Thursday will be Gracia's test and paper! God bless us! I just need to finish the paper, I did almost everything today, in the CA...

hi. I did silly things again...my God, I have to decide my life, definitively. or I change my way or I leave Viçosa. need to decide, for sure! I saw J yesterday, at IPV. he is so cute! my vacations will be here. I don't know if my mother is really coming or no. anyway, I don't care. By the way, I don't care about anything nowadays. bye.

Yesterday I send him an e-mail finishing, not finishing at all, but finishing. we met each other on last Friday, but he simply ignored me, he didn't care about my presence there, on dce. I felt so small...but now I'm not sad, I'm feeling good because I gave an final point, I'm not wiating for him anymore (hope so). but I'll survive this time. let's see if he's gonna answer, I doubt. L's birthday, last 19 day, we passed in the cemitery, it was really crazy. that was V, LP, W(a gothic of my course, calouro), and more two girls I didn't know. LP made a monologue and I said a thing that everybody liked: L, a plural name for a singular person. after, in the day, I gave him a medal that I found near the capela and he liked it a lot, he said it has the são Bento's pray. so, I need to study, bye.

hi. Nill and I stayed last friday, when I called him to appear and he came. we aren´t dating, but we are together somehow. to Emel, I invited Alfredo Bosi (oh!) and He said he couldn't come because he is preparing a travel abroad to first semester of 2009. shame...so, I invited Lêdo Ivo, and he asked to be remimded closer to the event! great! he will come! my father wrote me and I think he knows everything that I told to my mother! Gee! I already answered him. I have some works to do but I´m feeling good and free. I´m saving money because I can´t spend much. Next emester I´ll have time free on Monday and wednesday. cool. bye.

hi. I'm very tired. I went to EMEL last holyday, it was good, it was in Mariana. and guess what? the next will be here, UFV. Great! but we will have a lot of work, mon dieu! I'm sad. In Emel, I thought would have a revival between V and me, but it didn't happen, because he satyed with another girl that he met there. then, I was ok, no problem, but now that I came back, I'm thinking about Nill and I'm really missing him. but somehow, I am conformed. I'd like he appears here to talk to me, but I don't know if he's gonna come. perhaps... I presented my work about Cecilia Meireles, It was good, no problems just the datashow missing. tomorrow is gonna be my final class in TTC, I'll present a song, it will be good, I'm almost sure I'll teach on Celin next semester. so...that's all. next emel, maybe enel, I'll present a work about Alvares de Azevedo. bye.

hi. I've just got out from TTC, it was good because didn't last much, we had micro classes, mine will be next wednesday. I met L yesterday, she told me that she met Nill and he send me a message by her: he said he likes me a lot, send me a kiss and as soon as he solve his things, he will meet me. I got happy! he really worries about me, I think so. Doesn't matter what D says, because every time I tell something about Nill to her, she say bad things about him, she doesn't even know him! I'm fed up with her! RU is stopped I don't know where I'm going to have lunch, maybe multiuso if it's open. so, bye.

last Sunday Nill came here and asked me a time. I think I already said this, but it's boring me a lot. yesterday I went to Lion with R and she told me her boyfriend saw Nill holding another girl. I don't know what to think, anyway, I don't want to think about it. I'm missing him so bad and if he is staying with someone else, I hope he can decide what he wants as soon as possible. And I hope also that he comes back to me. If it doesn't happen, everything is over for me, I don't want anybody else in my life, at least for while. Today I'll give classes, I took a song to pass to my students, hope they get excited about it. I need to end somethings in Gracia's room still today. Before going to the lion, we passed in a African's party, it was pretty good, Ló was there and I danced zouk but with another guy. It's a sensual sound. I'm stuck in a moment and I can't get out of it. (U2) Bye.

it was a strange day... He appeared, but he didn´t want to go up, so I went down the stairs. then, he talked about give a time because he was "pisando na bola" with me, lately. I agreed, but I said the problem was when he set a time and didn´t showed up. but he said he need a time to set his life, his times, to organize his life at all. I asked if it was really just it, he said yes, it has nothing to do with me. ´So, we were on DCE bar and we talked, we kissed each other a lot, we got holding each other, it was pretty goo, but we are like this, giving a time. I said to him I´m afraid because he could get back with another ex, he said it´s difficult. after a while, we said goodbye and I went to my room without looking back. I went to Lion with R, it was good, I drunk a little and I didn´t do nothing else. the only badf thing was that THAT old and crazy man was there and he remembered me! I "closed" my face to him I didn´t talk too much. bye.

well, I've just got out of the TTC, it was good, but my mind was on Nill, he didn't show up since last thursday, I'm missing him so... I received a surprising visit last saturday, I thought it was Nill when somebody knocked on the door, but it was R. I did resist, for God, and he went away. he is such a guy! poor T., who dates him! I think my desire for him is over, for God's sake. I'll call Nill. I need to think about my classes on English, on Literature, my and my classes, classes that I have and that I give. so many things to study, my God, I'm getting tired and crazy! Nill, my love, please, show up! love you! bye.

today we prepared a Sarau. I invited Nill and he said he would think about it. hope he come! it would be great! we stayed together yesteday, it was pretty good. Roberta traveled today early. she was kind of strange yesterday, but I didn't have time to ask her what happened. I invite Nill also to sleep with me this weekend he said he would think too. hope he can! bye.

ah, he appeared on last Sunday and it was great. he was really sick. I just called him and he will come today. last friday I went to a party and I did silly and bad things, but I prefer don't enter in details... today I went to the dentist and he took out my "aparelho". I will do some exams and come back there. the exams cost 114 reals! I'll call my uncle, for sure. my tooth is hurting me and something that appeared in my leg too. it hurts a lot when I put my foot on the floor. but I'll wait 'till tomorrow to see if it's gonna pass. hope so. bye.

I think my life is going on...I'm getting used to Nill's absence but it's not so good...I hope he is better today enough to come to see me. I'm going to Leão tonight after my class. I am a teacher now and it's great! I like it of a way I never thought I would. having money is great! but I'm feeling so tired lately...I miss something I don't know what it is, miss my mother, miss human warm. I'm typing my poetry, I'm going to participate in a conquest and I'm going to "built" my book. and I'm preparing to present a work on next emel, that will be on May 22th. I think I have enough time to do everything I need to and I want to. so I'm strangely calm, it seems as something is about to happen, good or bad, I'm not sure, I'm completely not sure. I'm getting closer again to God. God bless me anyway. Bye.

hope he comes today, miss him so...since we had come back, he disappears all the time without satisfaction... show up my love, please...

a new year has come... you know, I've done some bad things, silly things with guys...but now I'm ok because Nill came back to me! so pretty! I'm so happy, but we set a meeting yesterday and he didn't show up. on Saturday, he appeared and I've got surprised. So, we talked a lot and we wento to Mirante and there we stayed again! it was like a dream! at night, we went out to Lion, after we drank wine and I got drunk. we stopped on dce bar, it was raining, nobody around and we almost did that. he was really longing for me and it was so good to see! I know we will stop in the bed one day and now he knows I'm not v anymore, he is more daring with me. love him so! my "bag" on extension project got out and I'll teach English on popular course. I'm afraid! with Nill by my side again, I'll get there, for sure! thank God! bye

today, january 23, 2008 it´s time to forget the past, but I can´t get it...it´s so difficult, but I´ll try. my vacations are so boring...let´s do something girl! but I´m dong, I´m talking to my friends by e-mail and orkut. I had an strange dream: I was in some place eith a lot of people, my mother was from isla and she wanted to kill me!! it was a kind of strange very much strange! that´s all. bye