Rebeca Melo

it was a strange day... He appeared, but he didn´t want to go up, so I went down the stairs. then, he talked about give a time because he was "pisando na bola" with me, lately. I agreed, but I said the problem was when he set a time and didn´t showed up. but he said he need a time to set his life, his times, to organize his life at all. I asked if it was really just it, he said yes, it has nothing to do with me. ´So, we were on DCE bar and we talked, we kissed each other a lot, we got holding each other, it was pretty goo, but we are like this, giving a time. I said to him I´m afraid because he could get back with another ex, he said it´s difficult. after a while, we said goodbye and I went to my room without looking back. I went to Lion with R, it was good, I drunk a little and I didn´t do nothing else. the only badf thing was that THAT old and crazy man was there and he remembered me! I "closed" my face to him I didn´t talk too much. bye.

well, I've just got out of the TTC, it was good, but my mind was on Nill, he didn't show up since last thursday, I'm missing him so... I received a surprising visit last saturday, I thought it was Nill when somebody knocked on the door, but it was R. I did resist, for God, and he went away. he is such a guy! poor T., who dates him! I think my desire for him is over, for God's sake. I'll call Nill. I need to think about my classes on English, on Literature, my and my classes, classes that I have and that I give. so many things to study, my God, I'm getting tired and crazy! Nill, my love, please, show up! love you! bye.

today we prepared a Sarau. I invited Nill and he said he would think about it. hope he come! it would be great! we stayed together yesteday, it was pretty good. Roberta traveled today early. she was kind of strange yesterday, but I didn't have time to ask her what happened. I invite Nill also to sleep with me this weekend he said he would think too. hope he can! bye.

ah, he appeared on last Sunday and it was great. he was really sick. I just called him and he will come today. last friday I went to a party and I did silly and bad things, but I prefer don't enter in details... today I went to the dentist and he took out my "aparelho". I will do some exams and come back there. the exams cost 114 reals! I'll call my uncle, for sure. my tooth is hurting me and something that appeared in my leg too. it hurts a lot when I put my foot on the floor. but I'll wait 'till tomorrow to see if it's gonna pass. hope so. bye.

I think my life is going on...I'm getting used to Nill's absence but it's not so good...I hope he is better today enough to come to see me. I'm going to Leão tonight after my class. I am a teacher now and it's great! I like it of a way I never thought I would. having money is great! but I'm feeling so tired lately...I miss something I don't know what it is, miss my mother, miss human warm. I'm typing my poetry, I'm going to participate in a conquest and I'm going to "built" my book. and I'm preparing to present a work on next emel, that will be on May 22th. I think I have enough time to do everything I need to and I want to. so I'm strangely calm, it seems as something is about to happen, good or bad, I'm not sure, I'm completely not sure. I'm getting closer again to God. God bless me anyway. Bye.

hope he comes today, miss him so...since we had come back, he disappears all the time without satisfaction... show up my love, please...