Rebeca Melo

.... aqui me tens de regresso... e que regresso! Sempre apronto... saímos em galerão ontem, cerveja, animação, brincadeiras, amigos, tudo de bom, eu estava bem e não-fechada. E coisa e tal. Nessa tarde de sábado, momento nostalgia-futurista, ouço Marisa Monte, músicas do seu "infinito Particular". Não me lembrava que era tão bom! Gosto especialmente de "Vilarejo", apesar de ter postado aqui "Levante". É melhor ouvir essas músicas quando o sofrimento do coração deu uma pequena trégua, porque ouvir no meio da tempestade é suicídio. #ficadica. Bye!

"Senhor, tu me sondas e me conheces"  Salmo 139:1 Pegasus, by Luigi Coloni. Ma-ra-vi-lho-so!!! Não tenho mais avós. Eu refletia sobre isso ontem, e hoje ainda vi uma daquelas mensagens prontas no face, dizendo que ninguém diz que ama os avós, se vc ama, compartilha aí... Não sei se cheguei a amar meus avós, isto é, aquele sentimento de proximidade e carinho, aquele sentimento romântico nunca tive. Tive respeito, mas não pude conviver muito com eles, aprender deles. O pai da minha mãe nunca conheci, e nem ela, mesmo porque ele se foi quando minha mãe tinha 6 anos e ela mal se lembra dele. Conheci os outros três, os pais do meu pai e a mãe da minha mãe. Ano passado, perdi o único que restava, aliás, a única, a mãe do meu pai, e bem no 11 de setembro. Tenho certeza que perdi grandes fontes de sabedoria. Eu nunca soube direito do passado dos meus pais, que dirá dos meus avós. A vida deles deve ter sido difícil, num tempo em que os pais deles é quem decidiam tudo, inc...

"Tu te tornas eternamente responsável por aquilo que cativas" (Le petit Prince). I sent this message for him. That's my strategy, psychological pressure. It won't work, but I need to do something in order to do not get crazy. Maybe it's wrong, and maybe I'm acting in the name of my envy, but I just need to do something. Everything I see reminds me on him, or in some of my lasts... I watched "The Bodyguard" and the bodyguard was a football player; I just saw a camera add on facebook... C, A... who else? But I'm coming back to myself. My will is coming back too, in relation to ... everything rs. I just wanna live. I wish I could understand everything that happens to me, for example, the fact that the last four came after me, they called me, they wanted me and suddenly, they don't more, as if I was just something to thrown away... do I have a "poker" face?? I don't know why they did that with me, but I don't think ...

this is the new me rsrsrs... I've got a bad headache, two days, it is not normal.  I've got butterflies in my stomach, espontaneously... sometimes I feel like laughing without reason... it is not normal I've dreamed of him, I fell down on a river, he took me from there, but his girlfriend was there although she was all the time turned in her back to me. Then, in the end of the dream, he was about to ask me something, but then I woke up... I bought some things for me and I felt good... this is not normal as well.  I'm not being normal lately, and that's the amazing part of the thing! I mean, my normal is passing away to be new, a new normal. It's a renewal in my life, finally. It's being hard because i'm not used to that... because all I had was sadness and conformation, procrastination, rejection. I'm dying for new things and I already feel the renewal in me, my skin, my heart, my thoughts, my way. And the complete transition,...

"Tempo de buscar e tempo de perder; tempo de guardar e tempo de deitar fora" Eclesiastes 3: 6   He won't be here anymore. He is not in my life anymore; he already wasn't a log time, just now I realize. He is not on my msn any longer, he is not on my facebook. It was better this way. I couldn't take any longer his presence there. When he was online, I almost sufocated because I couldn't talk to him, I couldn't talk about my feelings... now, they are just sadness, sorrow and hate. I'd like to do something to bother him, to disturb him, but I can't. I just can't.  He is not here any longer. I don't listen to his voice, his laugh... his body is no longer on my reach, at my disposal... I don't complain about it, I'm tired. I just took the right decision: to take him off my life because he already did that with me, a long time ago... I'm nothing to him and I hope one day he doens't bother my heart anymore.  I think ...