sábado, 21 de novembro de 2009

Saturday night

It's Saturday night and I'm wondering why I tried to be a normal person if I am not one. I tried to have a social life without having one for all my life. So, it happened what happened: only frustrations for me. I entered home and all I see are my roommates getting dressed to go out, leaving me here, alone. the issue is not that I want to go with them, to go out, but...the issue is that lately, I don't have pleasure with nothing at all, neither the world nor the church. This feeling of no fullfilment, no adaptation to any place is typically mine, I think I was born like that. I didn't find my place at the sun yet, maybe I'll never do it. Drinks are getting awful to me, so are people and places and parties. Church is boring me, but God never. He's all. But what bores me above all are the couples, the people around, everyone looks satisfied. I'm not naive, I know things are not pink everytime. But for me, it is anytime. Why do I get involved with compromissed or enrolated men, who do not care about my feelings? When I think things finally can become good for me, I fall from the horse again. I don't know why my life is like that, I do'nt know why I don't serve to be the one in someone's life. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure things are gonna be like that my whole life, because I'm an artist, I'm different, I am the pain in person.
The strange thing is taht I just feel good in a man' arms, because I've got the momentanium ilusion that I'm loved. But for men, desire has nothing to do with love. Somehow, for me, these things are linked.
changin subjects... I took the results of my exams, I'm clean, at least it seems it. I spent R$132, 00 for nothing!! But it was necessary...
Today I went to another church with some people from my church, we went to Assembléia. It was good, He always talk to me, He is the only one who loves me as a matter of fact.