sábado, 11 de fevereiro de 2012

Silver Spoon

"E não sede conformados com este mundo, mas sede transformados pela renovação do vosso entendimento, para que experimenteis qual seja a boa, agradável, e perfeita vontade de Deus". (Romanos 12:2)

Today my complaining is about justice. Life is unfair sometimes. I see people going abroad all the time, and I think, it is not fair with me!! I need to go, but I don't have means, and it bothers me a lot. Is not that I see PEOPLE going abroad, but some specific people. I don't know, it's the envy again acting in me.. I need to stop, think that I'm not a loser and go ahead, specially go abroad! It seems so simple to some people...and I know everything is money, or hard work or good will/luck. God knows...

My last piano class was good. I almost didn't go, but I had to go 'cause I had to learn more things: patience, practice and learning. I really need to control my anxiety, said the teacher. he perceived that I'm anxious when I play, but I'm sure he doesn't imagine that I AM anxious. I'm working on that, at least, trying. 

Lately all my moments have been fullfilled with tryings. Of course it's not enough, but it shows that I'm moving, changing, going somewhere. I wanna go faster, stronger but at the same time, I'm lazy and not fond of doing a lot for something. I'd do a lot for someone. 

I've just cleaned my room and washed my clothes - machine, for God's sake. And I really need to go on reading and writing a project for the Master Degree. I don't care about that, but that's the only way to realize my dreams and plans. Otherwise, I'll pass my life mourning on my fate. I cannot do that, I'll do what is at my hand, on my reach, and this is certainly on my reach because I already have the graduation, and it was hard to get it. I don't value more the things we get by working because I envy the people who was born with a silver spoon in their mouth, it's so unfair this way of life, mainly nowadays. 
talking about dreams, I had an strange dream last night, it involve and accident and a friend of mine was there, but the accident had nothing to do with her... very strange. 

What most makes me reflect is that maybe my children will come with a silver spoon in their mouths... life is so crazy.