S-C-R-E-A-M-!
I'm so stressed out today, lately, I've been like that, I can badly bear myself...I need to disapear and quickly, I cannot take it any longer, my goodness, I'm gonna explode. It seems like everyone are building their own lives and I'm staying back, I'm being left back. Everybody seems to be so secure, so good, so...special....I don't to be special, I just don't want to. I'm not a saint, I'm a woman. I'm real.
Je besoin d'amour, unfortunately. I wish I wouldn't, but I need the other one, need to be loved. So sad, cause I've just never been loved, never...And I already loved so many times that i start wondering whether I really loved. What's love? Je ne sais pas anymore. I'm confused as a teenager with her own body. My body does not confuse me, do not disturb me (just my health), but who I am really disturbs me, I mean, sometimes I wish I wasn't me, sometimes I wish I wasn't here, I wasn't a woman nor a man, I really don't know what I mean...you see, I'm too stressed out.
Today I will do my study plan, I'm gonna take just the subjects I'm in debt with, american literature III, English language VIII, edu 144 and, of course, the monography...I'm afraid I won't be able to graduate in January, but that is my plan, I need to concentrate my efforts on it....and that's the problem, I'm not a person very concentrate, that kind that do efforts to get a goal, but now I've gotta learn it, pretty sure. I need to learn how not be me. Or be more me, I don't know. I wanna scream! Song for today: Scream, Michael Jackson and Janet Jackson. Bye.
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